Fragments of a dream

How does it feel when one’s dreams get shattered? When your feelings get trampled and you are left empty, desolate and barren and the only dream you ever lived for is no more? What do you do then? Just shimmer in frustration.
Maybe dreams are stubborn things. Yet, I do love to dream. I had a beautiful dream. You looked like someone out of a dream... but were you? Romantic.Mysterious. I felt this one was different. Like in a book, a new chapter was opening in my life. There was so much to you then I ever imagined. I got dreamy eyed again and I said to myself that I am just going to enjoy this. I was ecstatic and the low hum of desire was constant and thrilling. There were no promises between us, none at all. Yet, I felt contentment that I had never felt quite before.

I dreamt first for me and then for you. Maybe that was wrong. My dreams were misting over reality. No one has the right to be so blissful and content. My dream was shattered soon. The brass ring which I reached for never fitted my hand. I realized it when the hollow pledges that were taciturn, inert and came undone through the months. Anger and shame snapped at my heart .But, I don’t blame you. The asking was over and the choice was made. I knew you were unpredictable --- full of starts, stops and quick turns. But I am furious……my eyes sting whenever I recollect those words.

It’s your wish. It’s your life, there can be nothing else. There can’t be anything else. I don’t need to hang on to anything, anyone, anymore. I can only wish now and covet for what I didn’t have.

Today, those thoughts still drum a miserable beat…………

life...

I don’t know why I was put into this earth. Sometimes, I feel as If I am skating on a frozen pond called life and that underneath the water is a hundred feet deep. I know in my heart that I can swim across it and survive. I know that it would be good, if I can experience it, but I don’t know how to break through the ice.

connected with you

Life is ephemeral-transitory. Life has its own challenges, I know and have realized it. You and I have reached an understanding. And I already appreciate your presence in my life. Because, I really don't know how much time I have left with you. In my silent prayers, I wish you all the success in life. You have touched my life, and I like that. I feel connected with you. Earlier, I was not with anyone. And I waited.
Sometimes the wait is long, yet my hope never died. That for me is important! I believed that one day, you will come along. And you did! I liked everything about you .You've such an insatiable appetite for knowledge. It's for this I will remember you through my life. Enjoy every moment that life has given to me.
I thank you for tip toeing into my life and filling it with love and laughter...and for your support.

Amidst all the madness..

Amidst all the madness,
And the memories of the time past,
I feel my world crumbling away
Leaving me forlorn and detached.

Some times late at night,
My heart swells up,
I feel at these times,
That my heart doesn't want you,
And,I have to get away from you.

But as the hours pass
And I get ready to sleep,
The new dawn filters through the shutters,
I heard the birds singing,
Bringing me hope
That you will be mine still.

Night falls

Night falls, sleep stealthily walks in
Eyes squeezed shut,
Slow breathing
For sleep to fall in..

Sleep no longer cradles me,
Is it 'coz the night is clear full of stars?
Reminds me of the time we spend together,
Or is it my dreams that are keeping me awake?

Nights are desolate,
Empty without someone to love,
Someone to call your very own,
And loneliest of all without the one you already love.

Waiting for you

From the first day I saw you,
I just can't help thinking of you.
Until the other day I was alone,
You walked in to my life,
And stole my peace of mind.
I don't know what to do.
Just can't help wanting you.

Like the bright sunshine,
You touched my heart,
And made me happy and cry
But now that you have left,
What am I supposed to do?
Feels like my whole world is at stake,
And I am waiting for you.

I hear your voice on the line,
Read the old messages
And slowly I go insane,
But nothing stops the pain.
Want to tell you wherever you are,
And whatever you do.
I will be right here
Waiting for you.

'coz I knew no other

Even at home I am lonely. I sit in my room and cry. It's so hard to make friends, develop a relationship, and then, they leave you for no reason. I sometimes roam around the neighborhood at night, hoping to find someone... someone who will spend some time with me and listen to me. But, I just end up coming home alone.
But once upon a time, I did have someone whom I could call my very own. He was mine...always there for me.
He was one who stood by me and his presence was capable of lifting me up whenever I fell or was down in the dumps. He held me through my testing times, and above all nurtured me out of my lonesome past. Sometimes I wonder, why this undying untamed love? Sometimes, I ask myself...why this obsession?Why this urge to spot him in a crowd? I worshiped the very ground he walked. The only answer to all this baffling questions are - because you know no other.
Love for me in the last few weeks was snuggling up to him, smell for me was his perfume, which I could smell 3 floors apart, touch for me is when he used to hold my hands and lead me to the dance floor. And his warm touch would say and convey everything.

I know that I have lost everything. My whole world has changed since the day he left. Happiness to me today, is when I hear from him sometimes. And, when I think back on these words -love, happiness, togetherness, I can't seem to find any meaning in them. The connotation and implication of these words and their meaning in my life are no longer the same.

But my feelings for him will never change...